The sun is bright in my office today. I look at that as a sign that the events of this week will brightly guide my life to come. That sounds kind of corny, I know. But I’m a bit mentally overwhelmed at this moment. Tomorrow marks a day that has been in the crafting stages for a very long time. I’ve written about it until I’m blue in the face and I do not plan on re-penning the actions that have led me here. As a matter of fact, today marks the last entry in my blog as it currently exists.
This blog has been a good friend to me. Allowing me to unload emotions in a time when I had no other outlets that I hadn’t already worn out. Friends and family have been priceless to me. But as I have spoken to them over the years, my words have disappeared into their memories as well as mine. Being able to come here and write those same spoken words down has given me the opportunity to look back days, weeks, even months after I’d written them and discover that I truly have grown throughout this process. Yes, my family and friends have told me that I’ve grown. But you never fully understand it until you can look back on those times with written evidence of your emotion.
When I started this site two years ago, I had no idea the time it would take to complete this process. And I know that “this process” will never be fully complete as I will maintain some sort of relationship with my ex for the rest of my life through our children. Being fortunate with an amazing support group through my family and friends, as well my own personal determination, will be an asset in making sure that relationship remains as positive as possible.
Growth does not come without a price, though. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you still want to wear good shoes even when you’re walking through the shit and the muck. My outlook on life has remained positive. And there were times I thought I would break. There were times I thought my optimism would falter me and bring more pain than comfort. There were times I flat out thought I should shut down and let every bad feeling take over because it just seemed easier. I almost lost something I hold dear and that is my demeanor. I almost became the thing I despise and that is bitter. But because I was determined to wear heels through the shit, they made me feel better when I walked out the other side and a water hose was waiting for me to clean them off.
I close this chapter in my life with renewed confidence and I look forward to an amazing chapter already in the development stages. This new chapter is marked with a new love, the never ending love of my precious boys, and a new blog that’s coming soon.
Happy Living All!
I’ll see you soon……………
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
"I Cannot Legislate Stupidity"......
As a requirement to get divorced in the great county of Dekalb, parents must endure four and a half hours of what I like to call “We know some of you are not as stupid as we may think, but just in case……” parental lecturing. Yesterday, I was happy to sit in a back-breaking chair for four hours listening to two psychologists tell me things I already knew, while drinking coffee so stale that the dead beans haunted my taste buds for the remainder of the day. Why? Because it put me one step closer to D day.
I don’t knock the seminar all together. The speakers were actually very good. I enjoyed many of their stories and agreed with each and every one of their points about raising healthy children through divorce. I just spent a great deal of time yesterday wondering how many other parents in that same room would walk away with this information and actually put it to some good use. As I panned the room with my eyes and curiosity, I watched as some parents grumbled derogatory comments under their breath of their soon-to-be ex spouses. I sat back and listened to questions that I swear had to have come from the kids themselves and not the parents sitting before us claiming the question is theirs. I witnessed even the speakers marvel at these questions wondering if it was some kind of joke and should they really entertain an answer or just move on as if they never heard a word. It was truly an amusement park of dysfunction. And by that, I mean how many kids, from this room alone, are going to be so f’d up once this whole thing is over?
While I occupied my time with this undeniable entertainment, I couldn't help but sit back and look to my left and appreciate what I had. Because, contrary to the rest of the room, sitting next to me was my soon-to-be ex spouse. Out of 50-60 other people in attendance, we were the only couple to attend this seminar together. Could it be that we are the rare 3% of couples that can do this as a unified force, on friendly terms, without the threat of firearms? How can the number be so small of parents that see the benefit of ending on the best terms possible? Why is it that there are more people out there that would rather hash out the worst case scenario instead of thinking about a positive environment for their children?
As we completed the class and our certificates were handed out to us, I decided that I would not question the choices of those other parents, but rather appreciate the choices that my soon-to-be ex spouse and I make on a daily basis. Our divorce was about the two of us splitting amicably. Our future is about our children living happily.
Happy Living All!
P.S. The title of today's post is courtesy of one of the speakers at the seminar in response to a parent's question.
I don’t knock the seminar all together. The speakers were actually very good. I enjoyed many of their stories and agreed with each and every one of their points about raising healthy children through divorce. I just spent a great deal of time yesterday wondering how many other parents in that same room would walk away with this information and actually put it to some good use. As I panned the room with my eyes and curiosity, I watched as some parents grumbled derogatory comments under their breath of their soon-to-be ex spouses. I sat back and listened to questions that I swear had to have come from the kids themselves and not the parents sitting before us claiming the question is theirs. I witnessed even the speakers marvel at these questions wondering if it was some kind of joke and should they really entertain an answer or just move on as if they never heard a word. It was truly an amusement park of dysfunction. And by that, I mean how many kids, from this room alone, are going to be so f’d up once this whole thing is over?
While I occupied my time with this undeniable entertainment, I couldn't help but sit back and look to my left and appreciate what I had. Because, contrary to the rest of the room, sitting next to me was my soon-to-be ex spouse. Out of 50-60 other people in attendance, we were the only couple to attend this seminar together. Could it be that we are the rare 3% of couples that can do this as a unified force, on friendly terms, without the threat of firearms? How can the number be so small of parents that see the benefit of ending on the best terms possible? Why is it that there are more people out there that would rather hash out the worst case scenario instead of thinking about a positive environment for their children?
As we completed the class and our certificates were handed out to us, I decided that I would not question the choices of those other parents, but rather appreciate the choices that my soon-to-be ex spouse and I make on a daily basis. Our divorce was about the two of us splitting amicably. Our future is about our children living happily.
Happy Living All!
P.S. The title of today's post is courtesy of one of the speakers at the seminar in response to a parent's question.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Working My Way Out of My Office.....
So happy to be leaving my office for the weekend. More happy that I was even able to make a path so that I actually could leave my office for the weekend. Do you think there's any chance that the File Fairy will show up this weekend and take these away???
Yeah, I didn't think so.
Happy Living All!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
"When you are through changing, you are through"......
So, I was challenged two nights ago to read my blog from the very beginning. And the most prevalent thing I noticed through my entire archive was stagnation. Of course, I didn’t realize it at the time, as I always write what I am thinking and feeling and experiencing at the moment. Hind-sight is most definitely 20/20. The thing is, I must have been thinking, feeling and experiencing the same thing for two years. I thought I was moving forward, buying a new home, starting a new job, making new friends. But I’m realizing that just because the items on the surface of my life have taken an about-face, it doesn’t always mean that forward progression is taking place emotionally. At least, how are you going to realize that if all I write about is the same emotional position?
I whole heartedly know that I was definitely moving forward below the surface, but for some reason I just don’t feel like that was accurately coming across on paper. So in an effort to leave idle behind, I am starting anew. The divorce is almost final and now seems like as good a time as any to bring to a conclusion the writings of those experiences. Change is occurring all around me and my life is happier and fuller than it has ever been.
I have always thrived on change. It is very good for the soul. Stagnation is just not an option for me in my quest to live the happiest life possible. And thanks to an amazing man, standing still is no longer a thought.
Happy Living All!
I whole heartedly know that I was definitely moving forward below the surface, but for some reason I just don’t feel like that was accurately coming across on paper. So in an effort to leave idle behind, I am starting anew. The divorce is almost final and now seems like as good a time as any to bring to a conclusion the writings of those experiences. Change is occurring all around me and my life is happier and fuller than it has ever been.
I have always thrived on change. It is very good for the soul. Stagnation is just not an option for me in my quest to live the happiest life possible. And thanks to an amazing man, standing still is no longer a thought.
Happy Living All!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
LAUGH......
There's a picture in my office that says "LAUGH". Seriously??......
Is it time to go home yet???
Is it time to go home yet???
The Longest Three Weeks.......
March 23rd is quickly approaching and I feel like a kid in a candy store. I don’t want that to come across wrong, but dear lord, this has been building for so many years that the actual “formal” finalizing of the divorce seems comical at this point. Only b/c we’ve already been divorced in every sense of the word for years.
You would think that I could just walk into the judge’s office and say:
“Your honor, my husband and I have been separated for five and half years. We started living in opposite ends of the house when the boys were one. We decided three years ago that we didn’t want to be married anymore. I moved out and bought my own house 14 months ago. Do we really have to wait another three weeks before this thing is real? Can’t you see that it was real a long time ago? Don’t you have it in your heart to call a spade a spade and end this already? Why must we wait three more longs weeks to “finalize” something that was final five years ago? Why must we take time off work to drive down to your courtroom and sit for God knows how long and then get up there just for you to say ‘well, looks like everything’s in order. You are hereby divorce.’? Why drag this out any longer?”
To which I’m sure you would promptly reply:
“Hell honey, you’ve wait five years………. What’s three more weeks?”
Touché your honor. Touché.
Happy Living All!
You would think that I could just walk into the judge’s office and say:
“Your honor, my husband and I have been separated for five and half years. We started living in opposite ends of the house when the boys were one. We decided three years ago that we didn’t want to be married anymore. I moved out and bought my own house 14 months ago. Do we really have to wait another three weeks before this thing is real? Can’t you see that it was real a long time ago? Don’t you have it in your heart to call a spade a spade and end this already? Why must we wait three more longs weeks to “finalize” something that was final five years ago? Why must we take time off work to drive down to your courtroom and sit for God knows how long and then get up there just for you to say ‘well, looks like everything’s in order. You are hereby divorce.’? Why drag this out any longer?”
To which I’m sure you would promptly reply:
“Hell honey, you’ve wait five years………. What’s three more weeks?”
Touché your honor. Touché.
Happy Living All!
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