Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Emotional Divide......

It goes without saying that women are generally more emotional than men. We use our emotions to make most of our decisions. Men use logic and reality. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule on both sides, but the generality remains the same. Why am I saying all this?

I look back on all my decisions I’ve made over the past three years and I see that my emotions played a large part. But when it came to the important decision of finally moving out, I used logic and reality. The logic was simple. The soon-to-be Ex (STBE) doesn’t have much family here and no real options that were suitable for the boys. Therefore, it would be me that moved out. I needed to go somewhere that was move-in ready for my boys and the most logical solution was my parents. The boys already had their own room there, so it made sense.

The reality part of it was a bit tougher. Maybe not so much tough as it was long. You see, reality came from years of learning to accept what was happening. Since I had already traveled down that road, the reality just “hit” me.

I wasn’t emotional when I decided to move. I wasn’t emotional when I started packing. And I wasn’t even emotional when I was unloading all my belongings into the room I went through 2nd grade in. The STBE, on the other hand, was finally starting to experience some of the emotion I had been dealing with for three years. His black and white world was now blurred. And I knew that was something he was just going to have to tackle on his own.

There was beauty in the fact that I didn’t have to experience all the negative emotions that come when you leave the home you’ve shared with your spouse and children. It was more of a calm and sense of almost relief that a step had been taken. Forward progression was actually taking place, albeit moving back into the room I occupied almost 30 years ago (there is some actual humor in that if you think about it.) But it was forward progression none the less.

So back to the emotional divide…. Reactions come is all different shapes and sizes and our minds are pre-wired to display them as expected. When solving a problem, a man will automatically look at the logical solution, while a woman will explore several theories and analyze the outcome based on numerous factors and pick apart every detail until the original problem is no longer recognizable. She will then argue to the death that her solution is best because of how she came to her conclusion. In the inevitable end, the same decision is reached by both parties.

If we are lucky enough to cross that “divide”, then we have the fortune of seeing through their eyes. That leads to understanding and understanding leads to faster and amicable resolution. At least it did in my case.

Happy living everyone!


WonderMom said...

I know exactly what you mean. I made the opposite decision...I kicked Ex out...but when he left, I kept saying that I thought I should feel something but I didn't. No grief, no second-thoughts, nothing. There was a mild sense of relief but that was it. I really felt like not much was changing. Of course, over the past year, I've been through a lot of different emotions, but not the ones I expected.

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