Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Quick answer to a loaded question.......

My precious four year old asked me a loaded question last night…..

“You happy, mama?”

Wow, so young, yet so profound.

“Yes, I am happy Peanut. You make me very happy.”

If I were to sit down and create a list of the things that make me truly happy, I’m certain the list would consist of 99% Peanut and Big E. Those boys are my saviors in so many ways. Sure, my life would probably have been content had I not been blessed with their presence, but content is not my idea of a good life. I would trade a hundred content years for one happy day with my boys.

Happy Living all!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

How much love.............

Once again, today brings with it another article I must share. If you belong to the “single mom who gets her news by the front page of” club, or if you got your copy of the November 2009 issue of O Magazine, then you already know which article I’m talking about.

Susan Klebold, after 10 agonizing years, breaks her silence about the unthinkable acts committed by her son at Columbine. Even now, as I’m typing and replaying passages from her essay through my mind, I’m overcome with emotion. Is it my attempt to relate to a woman I’ve never met whose pain is something I hope to never endure? Is it the overwhelming urge to squeeze both my boys as tight as I can at this very moment? It is a fear that no matter what kind of mother I am and no matter how much I love my boys, that sometimes things will just happen that are out of my control? I believe it is a combination of all of those.

We, as good parents, spend so much time making sure that our children know that they are loved more than they could possibly imagine. We would squeeze 36 hours into a 24 hour day if it meant we could show them more love. We would throw ourselves in front of God knows what if it would protect them. But how do you cope with the fact that you have done all of these things only to suffer a Columbine-like consequence?

And how is it that sometimes children of unloving and disregarding parents seem to walk away unscathed by depression or anxiety or thoughts of violence? How come a mother, whose love cannot be measured in arm’s length because there are no arms in the world long enough to stretch across this vast universe of ours, be made to bear a burden so unimaginable? And how come a mother, whose first priority lies not in the well-being of her child, but rather a host of other non-child related materials, deliver to the world a relatively well-adjusted human being? Have we lost sight of the fundamentals in child-rearing that video games and reality television are new age nannies freeing us from our ultimate responsibility as parents? Or did we ever have control of our children to begin with? Does it matter if a parent shows great love or great disregard? Do we just throw up our hands and say “to hell with it! They are going to be who they are going to be, regardless of what I do.”

I don’t know the answer to any of these? All I know is that there is a woman in Colorado that will spend the rest of her life knowing that she loved her son with every fiber of her being and something terrible happened. Sometimes bad things just happen.

Keep loving your children with every fiber of your being. That is all we can do.

Happy Living all! And stay strong, Susan Klebold. You are not to blame.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Bare it all, at any size.........

Has it really been two whole months???!!! Sorry loyal reader. =) (note the singular of that).

I could go on and on about why I haven't posted in two months. I could give you the play by play of 60 days of crap, anxiety, laughter, fear, indecisiveness, and down right mental throw up, but I will spare you that joyous experience, although I know that you were so looking forward to it.

Instead, I will write about something that got me really excited and proud today! To preface, I don't get to watch much television in real time. Most of my days consist of walking behind a four year old picking all of the 18 sets of clothes he has changed into that day, or explaining everything to my other four year old including explaining that the googly eyes on top of that stack of dough is the money he could have been saving had he switched to Geico, only to realize he doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about, or watching the two of them engage in an all out battle of web slinging, or spending two hours trying to get them to take a nap only to finally give up thinking "screw it - at least this means they will go to bed early", and then they STILL stay up until 11. Ugh! But boy how I love it.

So my point??? My point is that I do not have much time for television in real time (thank you TIVO from the bottom of my heart.) And since I am unable to watch guilty pleasures or down right damn good television as they are happening, that also means that I am unable to catch up on the news. My only method of knowing what's going on in the world is the home page of

**Note to the media - if you want the average working mom to be kept abreast of worldly happenings, be sure to include in the top one half of your home page. That's the only way most of don't look stupid at the office water cooler.**

Anyway, back to my point. On today's home page was this great article about a plus sized model, Lizzi Miller, and her "bare it all" photo shoot with Glamour magazine. Now here is a gorgeous woman with an amazing smile and gorgeous face and a stature I would kill for of 5 foot 11 inches. And on the flip side of that, here is a woman that if she described herself on a dating site, without a photo, would loose the interest of several possible suitors as soon as she mentioned her 180 pounds. And on the most impressive side of it all, here is a woman that is so happy with who she is in the September issue of Glamour magazine, she strips down to her skivvies and sheds light on what most of us look like. I love you Lizzi Miller. I love you for showing the world that gain is gorgeous and that confidence and happiness do not have to be measured in the mirror. I love for making me smile when I look in my own mirror. I love you for having that pooch of yours spill over your bikini, as mine spills with the same lack of regard. I love you for making me think about this.

For years, I have struggled with my "baby pooch." Four years to be exact. It has taunted me and laughed at me with every bathing suit I anguishingly tried on. It pointed its finger at me with it's "na na na na na na" smirk as if to know it was here to stay no matter how many miles I ran or how many sit ups I endured.

Thank you, Lizzi, for showing me (and many others) that beauty is a part of the whole, big or small. So "na na na na na na" to you baby pooch! I will fight you no longer. I win this time.


Happy Living all!