Monday, August 24, 2009

I'm in love with........

Have you ever been in love with the idea of being in love but didn't love the thought of searching for it? I often wonder if I have the energy to put towards the whole idea of "love" and "relationship." Currently, every ounce of love I own is placed in the hearts of my kids. But I do so miss the idea of being in love. I miss it, yet at the same time I'm not sure if I look forward to it. How can someone who views love as a beautiful addition to life think like this?


A word that is as difficult to type as it is to speak out loud. I don't fear not finding it. I don't fear finding it and it not being reciprocated. What I fear is finding it and losing it and being able to explain to my children that that is OK. I don't think that we are destined to find only one true love in our lifetime. If that happens for us, then that is a bonus that life has graciously thrown our way. But if that is not the case, if we are to encounter many people with whom love is possible, then life has given us a tapestry in which to live. I sometimes like the idea of the tapestry more than the hope of that one true love. It gives me a silver-lining around the fact that my marriage did not last. I kid,..... kinda. But the tapestry is beautiful, full of experience, full of color, full of unexpected gifts. The love between my husband and myself didn't live as long as we did and I'm OK with that. I just hope that my children can understand that even though my experiences may not be ideal in someone else's eyes, I am happy.

But seriously, what do I know about love anyway? Our current modern world of “serial relationships” throws us into affairs in which we entertain installments of love. And are those chapters merely our method of obtaining interval love for which that is all we crave or are they our foundation for the goal we ultimately desire? A means to an end so to speak. Do we circle the globe sifting through these chapters to create an unedited version of our love or do we get swept up by that one true love and live the rest of our lives knowing that the journey around the world is not necessary? However love finds you, whether in a single instant or through color-filled chapters, you get to enjoy the single most amazing experience that life was created for. Love. And anyone that doesn’t appreciate life’s purpose through love, well, I would have to declare that I am very sad for them.

I will say this, I am in love with the idea of falling in love again. It excites me and scares me and creates anxiety that I thrive off of. But I'm more in love with two pint-sized men that don't need me to prove anything to them. My chapters will always begin and end here.
Happy Living All!