Thursday, October 22, 2009

How much love.............

Once again, today brings with it another article I must share. If you belong to the “single mom who gets her news by the front page of” club, or if you got your copy of the November 2009 issue of O Magazine, then you already know which article I’m talking about.

Susan Klebold, after 10 agonizing years, breaks her silence about the unthinkable acts committed by her son at Columbine. Even now, as I’m typing and replaying passages from her essay through my mind, I’m overcome with emotion. Is it my attempt to relate to a woman I’ve never met whose pain is something I hope to never endure? Is it the overwhelming urge to squeeze both my boys as tight as I can at this very moment? It is a fear that no matter what kind of mother I am and no matter how much I love my boys, that sometimes things will just happen that are out of my control? I believe it is a combination of all of those.

We, as good parents, spend so much time making sure that our children know that they are loved more than they could possibly imagine. We would squeeze 36 hours into a 24 hour day if it meant we could show them more love. We would throw ourselves in front of God knows what if it would protect them. But how do you cope with the fact that you have done all of these things only to suffer a Columbine-like consequence?

And how is it that sometimes children of unloving and disregarding parents seem to walk away unscathed by depression or anxiety or thoughts of violence? How come a mother, whose love cannot be measured in arm’s length because there are no arms in the world long enough to stretch across this vast universe of ours, be made to bear a burden so unimaginable? And how come a mother, whose first priority lies not in the well-being of her child, but rather a host of other non-child related materials, deliver to the world a relatively well-adjusted human being? Have we lost sight of the fundamentals in child-rearing that video games and reality television are new age nannies freeing us from our ultimate responsibility as parents? Or did we ever have control of our children to begin with? Does it matter if a parent shows great love or great disregard? Do we just throw up our hands and say “to hell with it! They are going to be who they are going to be, regardless of what I do.”

I don’t know the answer to any of these? All I know is that there is a woman in Colorado that will spend the rest of her life knowing that she loved her son with every fiber of her being and something terrible happened. Sometimes bad things just happen.

Keep loving your children with every fiber of your being. That is all we can do.

Happy Living all! And stay strong, Susan Klebold. You are not to blame.


MamaOtwins+1 said...

I went and read it before I commented. I think every parent should read it. So we are all more aware and all hug are children a little closer!