Monday, August 30, 2010

Project 365: Day 30 - Sunshine....

I must say, I am quite proud of myself. Today marks 30 straight days that I have actually kept this up. To be perfectly honest with you, I figured I would falter somewhere around day 17, with some lame excuse. My day was exhausting and I simply passed out before getting around to it. Or, my laptop crashed, along with my desktop computer at home, along with my work computer, along with my IPhone. Or, the lamest of all, I simply forgot. How the hell can you "forget" a year long commitment you made to yourself (and the 10 other people that may or may not read this?) I could have used any one of those excuses, but I relentlessly declined. Even if it meant posting something at 1:30 am (and believe me, I LIKE my sleep.)

So today marks 30 days of journaling various scenes from my life. So far, it has been a great tool for memorizing the things that I actually would like to look back on a year from now and say "wow, I've come a long way." I think of it as my electronic portal of growth. A digitized chronicle of where I was and where I plan on going. I enjoy looking back on my life and seeing what kind of person I was a month ago, a year ago, five years ago. As long as I've made progressive steps forward, then I know I'm doing something right. If I were to look back a year ago and discover that I was the same exact person I am today, no better, no worse, then what did I accomplish?

You can't live life standing still. Life will begin to grow around you and your feet will begin to take root and the ivy will start to wrap it's vines around your legs, immobilizing you. You will stand there watching life take place all around you, without you, forgetting you, leaving you behind. That is, if you decide to stand still.

I was never one that could stand in one place for too long. I look back on my life a year ago and a great deal has changed. More than I would have ever imagined on this day 365 days ago. As a matter of fact, this time last year, I was planning a weekend birthday trip. Alone. I knew that some serious decisions had to be made and I knew that the only way for me to focus on doing what was best for my boys, was to drive to the mountains, sit on the back porch of a cheap hotel, drinking even cheaper coffee, reading books, looking out into vast woods of luscious green and sit there.... alone, with nothing but my thoughts. Besides the few phone calls I made to my boys and to my mom, there I sat, in silence for two and a half days. A lot of good came from that trip. Minus the enormous amount of junk food I inhaled, because it was my birthday and I could do whatever the hell I wanted.

So here I am, a year ago, with my peanut in my lap and the sun on my back. Shining a light for my year to come. For better or for worse, and like my tattoo, the sun's always got my back.

30 of 365: Looking back; moving forward.

Good Night All!


Nichole said...

Awe, sounds like you are doing well! I am glad that you have embraced the change.