Friday, April 24, 2009

I'm Giving You the Finger.........

Over the past couple of years, I've been hit with a lot that should have made me go over the edge a long time ago.  I never have been a person prone to succumbing to stress.  I'm a "look it in the eye and give it the finger" kinda person.  There are too many people in the world that have to deal with far greater negatives than I do.  But, here lately, I have felt mentally defeated.  That is truly saying a lot for me.  I hate watching myself even type the word d-e-f-e-a-t.  It is not a word I am used to.  I try and cut myself some slack, though.  I mean I AM living with my soon to be ex (STBE), I'm ending a marriage that was 13 years in the making, I'm planning a lifestyle for my children that will ultimately have them living in limbo for the rest of their lives, or at least until they are 18.  

I ask myself everyday, am I making the right decision?  Am I doing the best thing for my boys?  Am I doing the best thing for myself and for my STBE?  I guess all the "what ifs" that are constantly running through my head have overwhelmed my already full brain.  And now I'm sick.  Like physically sick feeling.  Upset stomach, headache, muscle aches, etc. etc.  I knew it would catch up with me sooner or later.  

I even had to leave work early today.  I went home and crashed on the couch for about 6 hours.  After I was able to pull myself up and cook dinner, I sat on the back patio trying to figure out what would help me.  Now I know that my boss reads my blog so I risk telling you what my solution was.  I ran.  I got up.  I put on my sneakers.  I grabbed my IPod and I ran.  Only for 45 minutes, but I ran.  And let me tell you........... it worked!  For anyone that followed my previous blog, you know that I am a runner.  But with all my stress and moving and crap, crap, crap, I haven't run in over three weeks.  Tonight felt great.  I got my heart rate up and I broke a sweat.  It was exactly what I needed!

"Hey you!  D-E-F-E-A-T!  Over here!  I'm looking you in the eye and I'm giving you the finger!"

Happy Living All!


Mentos said...

Hi there,my foreign friend!
I have to say you are a very strong lady! I esteem you so much!
Sometime things don't work out the way you thought they would be,but tomorrow is an other day!

Mama Kat said...

Ugh! I can only imagine. Thinking happy thoughts for you!!

badmuthablogger said...

Yes! How inspiring! I need to get those running shoes out myself. It works everytime. Well done for throwing defeat the finger.