Wednesday, July 8, 2009

One Step Closer and Clearer......

Has it really been almost a month since my last post???!!! My god! I'm sorry about that. Time flies when you're.......... Well, anyway.

So it appears that I may need to make a few things clearer about my life situation. It was brought to my attention that I may be confusing some of my readers as to what my marital intentions are. (It's ok mama, you're absolutely right) As you know, I am going through a divorce and it IS amicable. Hard to believe, I know, but it is absolutely true. We really ARE friends. Don't get me wrong. I do have my moments of "What the hell is wrong with you? How can you let him off so easy? Where is your brain? Where did this huge ass come from?" And the answer to each question comes all the way back to my children (even the one about my ass...........well, especially the one about my ass.)

I know that a few of my Thankful Thursdays posts have included references to how happy I am that my STBE and I get along so well. Not in any form or fashion does that mean I am thinking about or even willing to try and work things out with him. I just have to make a choice as to how I am going to handle divorce and at the same time create as much of a loving and positive environment as I can for my children.

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked, "How do you do it?" And the answer is quite simple. I look at my boys and I imagine their lives years down the line. What kind of impact will I make on them if this process turns ugly? What does it say to them if I hate the man who helped create them? What does that say about them? I do not hate my STBE, nor could I ever see myself going there. And I certainly do not regret the 13 years we have had together. I'm not going to lie and say everything has always been this easy. It hasn't by any means. I guess the single largest word I can use that has helped me get to where I am in this is ....................... wait for it .............................. wait ..............................


Once I gave myself time to get through the pain of rejection, time to get through the mourning of a failed marriage, and time to get through the anger that seemed to come so easily, I was able to ask myself, "Ok, so what next?" I had a choice to make and my decision came easier than the anger. Because, believe it or not, emotionally we are more welcoming of relief than we are of anger. It is just a matter of finding your own emotional strength.

So, now that we are clearer, let's talk about being closer. And by closer, I mean that I am one step closer to being what I've talked about for the past several months..... a single mom. This week, I have finished almost all of the paperwork. All he has to do now it review it over, help me word a few things, sign and viola! They will be filed! I have been emotionally single for quite some now, but boy will it feel good to finally be single in the eyes of the law and a higher being.

Happy Living All!