Saturday, March 13, 2010

Saturday Nights.............

Nights like tonight are what I dread all week long. It's like the air being let out of my balloon. No, it's like my teeth being punched out of my mouth. I see them flying across the room and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it, but watch them land on the other side and hope they can be somewhat repaired like new. I'm talking about my child crying in the back seat of daddy's car when he comes to pick them up. I've had them for "my share" of the time and now it's daddy's turn. I know I agreed to this custody arrangement, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I know that it is better for the boys in the long run, but that doesn't mean it will make it easier. And I know that it is only fair to everyone, but that doesn't mean I still won't cry on Saturday nights. Every Saturday night.

Ugh! I have got to get a life!!!!!! One that doesn't result in me drowning my sorrows in Amstel Light every single Saturday...................... alone. If I were enjoying this Amstel Light with a great girlfriend in some cool bar, staring at some hot guy, that would be much much better. Well, enjoying the beer WITH the hot guy would be much much better. But right now I would settle for any warm blooded human being. Anyone that prevents me from literally saying "cheers" to the computer screen would be awesome!

But I digress. I know that this is one of the many steps I must endure before my life makes that miraculous turn around some blind-sided corner and my eyes are opened to a world of possibilities. And part of me actually believes that fairy tale bullshit. Because if I don't let some part of me believe in it, then, really.....what is this all for? I could have just endured many more years in a loveless marriage, being "friends" with my husband, and never being truly loved again. OOOOOORRRRRRRRR, I can dig down inside of me, pull out as much courage as I can find among the blood and gore and such, step off the plank and dive deep into an ocean of crap and tears and uncertainty (and beer) all in the name of finding those "possibilities" that damn fairy tale talks about in the first place.

So there. I said it........ I believe in fairy tales........... I believe in happy endings. But luckily for me, I am realistic about it. I know that it won't come today or tomorrow or even next week. I know that there are a great deal of obstacles I must face and trip over before I am able to quit stumbling and walk straight. I know that crying on Saturday nights might be the norm for a little while (unless one of my girlfriends would like to come rescue me sometime, I mean seriously.....) So until then, I will keep believing in the fairy tale and the happy ending that I know someday will be mine.

And I'm going to enjoy this beer.

Happy Living All!