Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Project 365: Day 9 - Silver Linings.....

There is a great deal of sadness and despair traveling through our country these days. A war with no end in sight, a tanking economy that we thought was at rock bottom but somehow manages to dig just a little deeper everyday, unimaginable health issues that may or may not benefit from any kind of healthcare reform. It is simply far too difficult to keep up with all the less-than-cheerful events rocketing through our nation and the world. So we focus on our own rock bottoms.

I do my best to put a positive spin on all things in my life. I am not always successful. But my attempts are always worth something. And I am proud of those attempts. I am equally as proud and even more in awe when I see people around me put their own silver lining around the toughest parts of their lives. I watch what the most important people in my life go through and I feel completely helpless. My own rock bottoms prevent me from keeping them away from theirs. But it does not stop me from trying. However, even the most sincere efforts do not measure up to the success of personal attitude.

For as long as I can remember I have had this mantra "our reactions define who we are." How we react to events in our lives becomes the fiber of our make-up, our personality. It has always been important to me to figure out the best outcome from a various array of simple reactions when something unexpected happens to me. When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I could have reacted in a multitude of ways: fear from the complete unknown, anxiety from the financial aspect of it, worry from the thoughts of "I've not even tested out being a mom to one, how the hell am I going to be a good mom to two". Instead I chose the thrill of adventure. What possible good would it have done to harbor any of those other feelings which would have led me to varying degrees of negative reactions?

When I finally accepted that I would become a single mom, once again I was faced with avenues of behavior to choose from. Too many roads leading to areas unknown and they all scared me. There were many times I wanted to fight, many times I wanted to kick and scream, many times I wanted to curl up and disappear. And while any one of those may have served their immediate purpose, after about 15 minutes, the glory would be over. And who would I have help? Me? Him? My boys? None of the above.

I took a step back and looked at how my life would be if I chose that road to the left, you know, the one where hated resides and anger is his neighbor and the mayor is blame (and no "the left" is not a political reference). If I take that road, who will I be a month from now, six months from now, six years from now? And more importantly, who will my children think I am? Will they see someone strong or someone broken? Will they look at mama as strength or instability? After peering down that road for about 2 minutes, I knew it was not my path.

When I was faced with sadness and despair and a choice to either control it or let it control me, it was a no-brainer. I briefly took into consideration the option of resenting my soon to be ex husband, but I chose the option of remaining friends with the father of my children. It has most definitely been a less stressful option and I am happy with the prospect that my children will see me in a more positive light through all this.

Reacting with a silver lining is the path I take and I see it being taken more and more everyday by the people around me. We should all have our silver linings. I know I have two.....

9 of 365:

Good Night All!