The sun is bright in my office today. I look at that as a sign that the events of this week will brightly guide my life to come. That sounds kind of corny, I know. But I’m a bit mentally overwhelmed at this moment. Tomorrow marks a day that has been in the crafting stages for a very long time. I’ve written about it until I’m blue in the face and I do not plan on re-penning the actions that have led me here. As a matter of fact, today marks the last entry in my blog as it currently exists.
This blog has been a good friend to me. Allowing me to unload emotions in a time when I had no other outlets that I hadn’t already worn out. Friends and family have been priceless to me. But as I have spoken to them over the years, my words have disappeared into their memories as well as mine. Being able to come here and write those same spoken words down has given me the opportunity to look back days, weeks, even months after I’d written them and discover that I truly have grown throughout this process. Yes, my family and friends have told me that I’ve grown. But you never fully understand it until you can look back on those times with written evidence of your emotion.
When I started this site two years ago, I had no idea the time it would take to complete this process. And I know that “this process” will never be fully complete as I will maintain some sort of relationship with my ex for the rest of my life through our children. Being fortunate with an amazing support group through my family and friends, as well my own personal determination, will be an asset in making sure that relationship remains as positive as possible.
Growth does not come without a price, though. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you still want to wear good shoes even when you’re walking through the shit and the muck. My outlook on life has remained positive. And there were times I thought I would break. There were times I thought my optimism would falter me and bring more pain than comfort. There were times I flat out thought I should shut down and let every bad feeling take over because it just seemed easier. I almost lost something I hold dear and that is my demeanor. I almost became the thing I despise and that is bitter. But because I was determined to wear heels through the shit, they made me feel better when I walked out the other side and a water hose was waiting for me to clean them off.
I close this chapter in my life with renewed confidence and I look forward to an amazing chapter already in the development stages. This new chapter is marked with a new love, the never ending love of my precious boys, and a new blog that’s coming soon.
Happy Living All!
I’ll see you soon……………