Thursday, May 21, 2009

Mama Got a New Tattoo.......

So, do you ever feel like you're simply losin' it? Or maybe you just feel like you've been bottled up for so long that you need to bust out? Or you're just losin' it..?.... Either way, you get this feeling that something has just got to give, a change needs to take place and it needs to happen now. I think that is where I am in this whole process. I'm ready to get out of my house and into my own place with my boys. I'm ready for a change of scenery. I often fear that my impulsive behavior will cause me to make a decision that is not well considered. I know that my STBE is looking at me and fearing the same thing.

Take last night, for instance. Mama DID get a new tattoo. And while the STBE thinks that my decision to do this was rash and spontaneous, it is actually something that I have considered for about 5 years. My only hesitation in going through with it was because of him and his disapproval. I got one about 12 years ago and he wasn't too thrilled, but we had just started dating and I was still ME. I liked to go out dancing and drinking with my friends. I loved tattoos and piercings. I did crazy things with my hair. And I was even a full-blown smoker at the time. But once he and I got serious, all that changed. I changed. And it wasn't until about 6 or so months ago that I realized it. How crazy is that?????

I've spent the past 12 years of my life living the way some one else preferred. I guess we all do it to an extent and I'm certainly not saying that I regret anything I've done over the past 12 years. All I'm saying is that it is funny how you can wake up, look in the mirror and wonder who in the hell is staring back at you. I've loved my life and I honestly believe that because of altering pieces of me over the years, I have made myself a better person, a better mother, a better friend. But at the same time, I'm ready to get back to some of the things that make me me - minus the "full blown smoker" thing, of course. :)

Happy Living All!